Searching online about BDSM
will give you back numerous link with definitions and articles trying to explain what BDSM
is an acronym which stands for Bondage Dominance/Discipline Submission/Sadism Masochism. A whole lot of things as it appears from its definition.
I am personally "old school" and I believe in what is called natural dominance and natural submission. I am not here throwing any judgment about how others live BDSM and I am merely speaking for myself.
I have always been a dominant person, since childhood when playing with Barbies
and Ken. Usually the chosen Barbie of the day would torment and boss around the poor Ken, forcing him to various acts of submission from cleaning her boots to washing her kitchen floor, cooking, doing the laundry, driving her about and of course spend all his money on her, making of her the Princess while he was but her mere butler whose only aim was to make her happy, she whose smile was worth more than all efforts he was called upon.
That was my childhood with toys.
My childhood with other children of my same age or even older than myself wasn't easy at all as you can imagine for I was always trying to project my personality outwards and of course it wouldn't work so well, not with all at least. Being a bossy, commanding child surely doesn't attract the sympathies of many, adults included. I have had difficult years in kindergarten and in primary school exacerbated by the fact that, seen my peculiar character my parents thought that to "correct" my attitude it would have been better for me to be put into a religious institute ran by nuns. I am Italian and church back in those days had its weight still and catholic school were the most rigid, private school in my country. My parents surely meant well but those years in the religious institute were a nightmare for me, for the nuns and for my family too.
I was very good at school, top of the class through all of my childhood and secondary school but it was my attitude what was worrying, not my results at studies.
Because my attitude didn't improve at all but got worse I was taken to a Psychology for the Children division in Genova, to have my brain checked...one never knows....
Result was that I am a very clever person, above average and with a very distinctive trait of sense of superiority, assertiveness, tendency to boss around and to have things done my way or no way at all. "The child is difficult" was the result and the recommendation was to keep me busy with something, always, to encourage my thirst of knowledge through higher education. The sentence was rather crude on my parents : my characteristics could have led me to sanctity or a career in the criminal department.
Infant psychology back then wasn't too well developed and I am not a saint nor a criminal.
Secondary school was slightly better although I had started acknowledging myself and my very basic instincts. It was the dawn of computing so I didn't have access to the tons of info that are available today. I could perceive something inside of me, more clearly as I was growing up. I couldn't name it or classify it but it was there. My relations with the opposite sex were non existent as I considered myself far superior to any "male" to even think of trying it out.
I had a final breakthrough when my brother, who is older than me, brought home a comics book called Valentina by Guido Crepax. I used to steal the book when my brother was away from home and going through the stories I found myself intrigued by the dominance acts to which Valentina was subjected. I would have wanted to try them too but not on a woman, my fantasies were all projected toward men. Although Valentina was based on sexual domination fantasies my needs and instincts didn't involve the sexual part at all. What I used to picture in my brain were images of myself tormenting a man, whatever man really, like I used to do with Barbie upon Ken with the difference that now my fantasies had me as the main actress playing the role of the dominant.
Internet and the web helped me further in understanding that I wasn't alone, odd, strange, out of this world but that there were entire communities of people sharing my tendencies and needs.
So what is BDSM to me?
It's Dominance and Submission among two (or more) consensual people, with no violence involved where the sub(missive) gives control upon his person and his properties to a dom(inant) who takes control and rules every instant of the sub's life.
It has nothing to do with sex or kinky sexual games (although if searched upon on the web it seems to be revolving around sex. In my case it is not. I am far too precious to even be touched by any sub.)
It has nothing to do with extreme practices of sado
It is a pure form of control where rules are dictated and demanded to be followed without questioning.
Why did I speak of "natural" at the beginning? because I believe that some of us are born dominant while some others are born submissive. Some want to be pleased, some want to please without giving anything in return or receiving anything in return just for the pleasure to rule or to obey.